Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Thanks to The Captains America for sharing this with us:
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile; slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go on our own ways.
Here is a model dissolution agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.
After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don’t like redistributive
taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to all the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and think guns cause crime, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).
We’ll keep the capitalism, your hated greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Hollywood.and ANWAR. You can have your beloved homeless, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll keep Alaskan Hockey Moms, CEO’s, and Rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and you can have ABC,CBS,CNN,NBC, Entertainment Tonight and
You can make nice with Iran, Palestine, and , and we’ll retain the right to invade places that threaten or harm us or our allies. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we’ll provide them job security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can keep the U.N., however we will no longer be paying the bill. We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks, and luxury cars. You can have every Subaru Station Wagon you can find.
You can banter heath care is a right and give it to everyone, if you can find any practicing Doctors like Howard Dean if they’ll donate their time and do it for free.
We’ll continue to believe healthcare insurance is an individual responsibility and more important than spending all of ones money on lifestyle.
We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We’ll practice trickle down economics, and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.
Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other likeminded patriots, and if you do not agree just hit delete and hang on.
In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR, YOU’LL NEED IT, on who will be crying for whose help in less than four years.
God Bless America!
John J. Wall
Law Student and an informed American
Regular listener of The Captain’s AMERICA Radio Show